On therapy

Tara: Hey dude, how's it going?
Natalie: Great. My therapist is awesome. Like a grandma.
Neil: Really?
Natalie: Yeah, but in a "my grandma can kick your grandma's ass kind of way".
Tara: That's the greatest thing I've heard all week.

Guest entry: on cookies and Churchill

Ed: need.......nap.....can't....finish....cookie...
Natalie: heh.
it's defeating you?
Ed: It will not! I have not yet begun to fight! Nevah Surrendah! (munch munch)
Natalie: oh dear

On kittens

Neil: So I have "The Proposition" to watch.
Tara: You're not saying we should watch it, are you?
Neil: No, for me to watch.
Natalie: I, personally, couldn't do it. There were 3 scenes that were unwatchable.
Tara: When Natalie left the first time I stayed, and she came back for a while, but there was this one point when we both realized there was a rapin' about to happen, so we were both done. I think we both actually put up our hand and said something like "I'm done!" and went to the office and looked at pictures of kittens for an hour.
Ryan: Kittens: the anti-rape!

On the Merry Widow House pact

Tara: Wonder bread is very soft, but over time, especially when compounded with bologna, might kill people
Natalie: i have never completely understood bologna. it kind of...frightens me. not as much as the bologna with macaroni in it, though. that's just flat out terrifying
Tara: okay, that's disgusting. I used to eat bologna when I was in highschool, but that was also when I ate burgers for breakfast
Natalie: wow
Tara: now? not so much
Natalie: wasn't there also a time you lived on those little chocolate bites?
Tara: yes. hershey, reese's and skor bits. and coca-cola
Natalie: amazing what you can do to your body =)
Tara: I'm surprised it still works
Natalie: well, you're making up for it
Tara: I'm trying. if I'm going to live to be 100, I'd at least like to do it with a strong body
Natalie: heh. agreed. I think we should make a pact =)
Tara: organic food and a home gym in the widow house? or just that we'll have a widow house, since we'll both live forever?
Natalie: I was thinking the Merry Widow House pact, yes, but organic food and home gym sounds fabulous
Tara: it absolutely needs to be called the merry widow house pact
Natalie: we can each have an office that lets a lot of light in
Tara: and you'll have a couple of cats and I'll have a french bulldog named petunia, and they'll all play nice
Natalie: they will. they'll all be the same size =)
Tara: or we get a lab, and the cats can ride it
Natalie: hee. that would work too. we'll take all of them for walks together, the cats on the dog
Tara: it'll be beautiful. the way cats and dogs were meant to be together
Natalie: as horse and rider?
Tara: I'm not sure. I didn't work it out that far yet in my head
Natalie: just the peacefulness =)

On betrayal buns

Tara: okay, I've just had a bite of the worst cinnamon bun ever. I think that's the first food betrayal I've had at the cafeteria and I was even warned that it wasn't very good
Natalie: bad cinnamon buns are so disappointing. you want them to be good. and then BETRAYAL
Tara: well, typically they're light and fluffy and sticky and have a delicious creamy sugary icing right?
Natalie: yes indeed. like a cinnabon. the ultimate cinnamon bun
Tara: not so with the betrayal cinnamon bun. the pastry was dense and a little hard, not particularly moist, definitely not sticky, and the icing wasn't sweet and tasted sort of like sour cream or cream cheese. BETRAYED.
Natalie: boo! totally betrayed
Tara: it's the betrayal bun
Natalie: give me a minute
[roughly a minute passes]
Natalie: there you go. a poem about your cinnamon bun


Betrayal Bun

deceptive pastry
your swirl malevolence
no sugar can cover
your cruellest crumbling

I bite trusting
expect give and unctuous fullness
disappointment cracks my palate
like teeth shattered against a coin
bitten
expecting chocolate
shattered enamel

hope of tastiness
dashed and useless
as broken teeth in my hand

On language delerium

Tara: I think it's funny how many people think tattoos are not real. Like we'd go to the trouble of getting an incredibly intricate fake tattoo that will look that crisp and real
Natalie: heh. I know
Tara: seriously, where the hell do you get a fake tattoo of a thumbscrew these days?
Natalie: what else could it be?
Tara: sharpie!
Natalie: I know!
Tara: I'm very good at writing greek upsidedown with my left hand. don't know if you knew that about me. I don't like to brag too much
Natalie: ha!
Tara: I've been writing for 3 solid days so I'm a bit of a dink at this point
Natalie: you're awesome when you're all language delerious
Tara: and I'm firmly planted there. you're gonna need farm equipment to get me out at this point
Natalie: you've built a house there?
Tara: yes. I started gardening. it's just phonemes peeking out at this point, but we'll see what happens
Natalie: well, they're a good starter crop
Tara: I'm hoping for a bunch of adverbs, use them in a salad
Natalie: will you rotate to articles next season?
Tara: I could. that's a good idea. as soon as I said "adverbs" I pictured "radishes"
Natalie: word salad!

On dancing birds

Natalie: Okay, you have to see this.



Neil: Fuck that bird.
Tara: Are you just mad because it has rhythm?
Neil: Yes!

On ringtones

Tara: Is that someone's ringtone?
Natalie: Yeah. It sounds all ethereal and stuff. Your ringtone always sounds like a mystery's being solved, like at the end of CSI.

On D&D and racial profiling

Natalie: You know in D&D how they have half-elves? What do they call a 1/8 elf? An elveroon?

On Elebits

Ed: I'm trying to get a copy of Rune Factory on Game Trader. I think I can trade Elebits for it.
Tara: Oh yeah, you didn't like that did you?
Natalie: Well, the tutorial wasw so fun and then the game... not so much.
Ed: It's the equivalent of an "I've lost my keys and I'm late for work" game.

On ice cream

Natalie: Isn't the avocado ice cream so good?
Tara: I know. I think I'm going to mix it now with the mango.
Matthew: You were the queen of mixing ice cream when you were younger. I remember you always mixing Neopolitan.
Natalie: Neopolitan is like the asshole of ice creams.

On pro athletes failing urine tests

Natalie: I think I should sell fraudulent pee on the Internet.

On smurfs

Tara: Natalieeeeeeee!
Natalie: What?
Tara: Neil's there!
Natalie: Neil's where?
Tara: He's drunk!
Neil: No I'm not. I'm just happy.
Tara: You're like a smurf.
Neil: Why you gotta go to the smurf place?
Natalie: [mocking] Why you gotta go to the smurf place?
Neil: I hate you all.

On Celine Dion

Tara: hey dude. do you know where Neil is?
Natalie: right next to me=). he hates you
Tara: why? oh. right. the video


Natalie: yep. the video
Tara: tell him it's payback for his friend's blog. I'm just sharing pain with the rest of you :). is that not the worst video ever?
Natalie: it is HORRIBLE
Tara: I know. it's so bad I considered not listening to music anymore
Natalie: ever again? any music?
Tara: yes. but then changed my mind. it was a brief thought
Natalie: but it still almost destroyed music for you forever, and that amuses me
Tara: oh yes, she did do that. but really, I'm surprised she hasn't done that for more people
Natalie: I hate celine dion more than I can ever express to you. I hope that cancer bees rape her in the eyeballs
Tara: I'm trying not to laugh loudly. http://bestpicever.com/pic-853-Bee-on-my-eye
Natalie: that's the best picture ever

On bromanties

Chris: Karrie and I are going to finish 'In Her Shoes' tomorrow night.
Tara: I still can't believe you like that movie. You have more of a
uterus than I do.
Chris: I'm wearing my manties!
Tara: You're *what*?
Ryan: I overheard it at school. It's genius because it's so obvious.
Tara: Please name Chris' mangina, Natalie. He's out of hand.
Natalie: Hmm...ah. I have it. Lady Winnifred Cockleshell Herringbone III.
Tara: Amazing.
Chris: Manties!
Tara: Best new word ever.
Natalie: What about bromance? I still like that one.
Chris: Would those involved in a bromance wear bromanties?
Ryan: Bromanties sounds like a greek god.
Natalie: Yeah. Bromantes, god of saunas and foreskin.

On naked mole rats

Tara: someone sent me a photo of a naked mole rat. it looks like a penis with front teeth
Natalie: you can't just SAY THAT TO ME when I am SWALLOWING LIQUID. that. is. amazing.

On games I don't play

Natalie: Were you the one who told me about the "punch you in the asshole" game or was that my brother?
Mike: Uh, that was your brother. [turns to me] Tara, I don't know how to tell you this, but I'm not going to play that game with you.
Tara: That's fine. I don't play that game.
Mike: Natalie, you're going to have to play it yourself. You'll be there punching yourself in the asshole and then you'll wonder "why am I punching myself? I like myself"
Natalie: Is that like a donkey punch?
Mike and Tara and Ed: NO!!!
Natalie: Well what is it?
[Mike explains what it is. Wikipedia description]
Tara: I hate you guys. I can't write all of this down.
Natalie: Your blog post should be called "Donkey punch in the asshole game"

On mother nature

Jade: Did anyone else see that commercial? Why is mother nature dressed up like some sort of hoochie mama who just came off a runway?
Natalie: Because even mother nature needs the cock.

On lying

Natalie: You're back! And what did you bring?
Neil: Chips and eggs. I participated.
Tara: Barely!
Neil: I chose the chips.
Tara: Yeah, but you chose sour cream and onion just because I said it.
Natalie: I like sour cream and onion chips.
Neil: And I knew that. [pauses] Actually I'm lying.
Natalie: You're a professional liar.
Neil: That's very true.
Tara: I suppose, because I'm in marketing, I'm a professional liar too.
Natalie: That's true!
Tara: But I make more money.
Natalie: That's because you lie for the man.

Guest Entry: When you're young, in love and nerdly

Ed: Natalie! You have to watch this. This is awesome.
Natalie: what's up?
Ed: http://www.gametrailers.com/player/usermovies/102789.html
Natalie: okay
Ed: It's a review for Bioshock, and it's the way I want all my games reviewed.
Natalie: oh my god. "I wasn't aware the boiled water could form allegiances". "fuck the pope". I think I just peed.
Ed: See?!
Natalie: Ah!!!
Ed: It's brilliant and it's at a pace I can follow.
Natalie: "In the bad ending you're some kind of hybrid of hitler and skeletor whose very piss is pure liquid malevolence."
Ed: Indeed.
Natalie: [heart]
Ed: You're welcome.
Natalie: thanks [equal smile]