On games I don't play

Natalie: Were you the one who told me about the "punch you in the asshole" game or was that my brother?
Mike: Uh, that was your brother. [turns to me] Tara, I don't know how to tell you this, but I'm not going to play that game with you.
Tara: That's fine. I don't play that game.
Mike: Natalie, you're going to have to play it yourself. You'll be there punching yourself in the asshole and then you'll wonder "why am I punching myself? I like myself"
Natalie: Is that like a donkey punch?
Mike and Tara and Ed: NO!!!
Natalie: Well what is it?
[Mike explains what it is. Wikipedia description]
Tara: I hate you guys. I can't write all of this down.
Natalie: Your blog post should be called "Donkey punch in the asshole game"

Things said at D&D on a blazingly hot Tuesday night

Editor's note: One of us was stoned from some special cookies. Take a guess at who it is.


Natalie: Can you fill my glass?
Mike: [fills and then proceeds to drink the entire contents of the newly-filled glass, while looking at us out of the corner of his eye and laughing]
Natalie: Your shitcockery knows no bounds.

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Natalie: I think that Paris Hilton's vagina should be called "The Abject" and Britney Spears' should be called "The Abyss".

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Natalie: Yeah, whathisface on the crazyboots was going to do it!

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Natalie: [makes tiny duck out of banana bread and holds it up proudly for all to see]
Me: Now you're going to eat it, aren't you?
Natalie: [eats tiny banana bread duck]
Jade: That's murder.
Natalie: Tasty, tasty murder.

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Natalie: OH! [leans over Ed to grab a nacho and a timbit, scraps the icing off the timbit with the nacho, proceeds to eat nacho with icing on it]
Jade: Are you making a sandwich with the timbit?
Natalie: No. I wanted to make an icing nacho. I could make a sandwich.
Tara: Why don't you make a fish? [has issues finding phone in a timely fashion]
Natalie: In that case it'll have dorsal fins.


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Ed: What are you doing?
Natalie: I was trying to launch the die with my mouth.
Ed: You know that if you die choking to death on dice you go straight to hell.
Natalie: No you don't.
Ed: Yes. You put the die in your mouth, choke, St. Peter says "You go to hell", pokes you in the belly and you go to hell.
Natalie: Did you say "You go to hayll?"
Ed: Yes. He says it with a southern accent.

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Natalie: Can you pass me the frozen bananas to snuggle?
Mike: No, I'm not giving you bananas.
Me: What about frozen vegetables?
Jade: Yeah, we have frozen peas.
Mike: I'm not giving you a bag of frozen peas.
Ed: But it's full of green pea-ness.
Natalie: [laughs so hard she snorts and flaps her hands]


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Natalie: If an accordion had sex with a fence, this is what it would look like.


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Natalie: You think about my bellybutton all the time, don't you?
Ed: My toes long for your bellybutton.
Natalie: NO! It's my personal bellybutton! [pause] If I was one of those little girls in Utah I'd totally have an abstinence ring for my belly button.

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Me: What are you going to say tomorrow when you read all of this on my blog?
Ed: She's going to say "That's not fair, it's out of context!"
Me: Right now, your left breast is "Context".
Natalie: [looks down to consider] Okay. But is it alright if the right is called "Semiotics"? Because Marshall McLuhan needs to be involved in my boobs. He's Canadian you know.

Things said at D&D

Mike: Sorry Ed, but I'm going to have to erase these boobs now.
Ed: That's okay. I'm sure there'll be more at some point.
Mike: Hardly a game goes by where I'm not drawing breasts on something. I know there's some breast fans in the room.

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Mike: I was talking to my friend the other day and said "You know what I like about titties? They make me think of titties!" And she said "I like the word titties too!" And I said "Of course you do!"

On Tori Spelling

Mike: And then the ghost flies right through you. Roll a saving throw for me.
Natalie: Michael Davy, I'm going to draw exactly what I think of you right now.
[Natalie draws, then shows Mike the picture]
Mike: What the hell is that?
Natalie: Those are veins.
Mike: Have you even seen a penis? It looks like a canoe! Give it to me. I'm going to draw.
[proceeds to add to the picture producing the following]

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Mike: And this is what it would look like if I drew Tori Spelling's breasts.