On soap

Coworker 2: Did you just take a shower?
Coworker 3: Yeah. Because I just rode the bike and I didn't want to smell like bike.
Tara: We appreciate that you don't want to smell like bike either.
Coworker 3: Especially since bike smells like old feet.
Tara: So you would smell like old feet.
Coworker 3: Right. When I could smell like something delicious like peppermint.
Tara: There are many better things to smell like than old feet.
Coworker 3: Check out this bottle. The label looks like it was written by a schizophrenic shaman.
Tara: [Laughs until she thinks she may no longer breathe and nearly chokes on the apple she was chewing]

On pain

Tara: The thing that scares me is that the more things that get fixed, the more work I have to do.
Coworker 1: Yeah, but at least your stuff is getting fixed.
Tara: Right, but if the translations weren't messed up and the CMS broken, I could have been done a lot of this a couple of weeks ago.
Coworker 2: That's true. His stuff takes months to get fixed so it's long and painful, but your stuff is short and very painful.
Tara: So it's like a choice between childbirth and cancer.
[manic laughter born of stress and rapidly-approaching deadlines laughing all around]
Coworker 2: True!
Coworker 1: I think I'd take childbirth.
Coworker 3: I think I'd take cancer.
Coworker 2: Be careful what you wish for.
Tara: That's right. You could get cancer and a baby.
Coworker 2: Or. No. Wait. I can't do it.
Tara: What? He could get a baby with cancer?
Coworker 2: We were all thinking it.
Coworker 3: Hey, babies are born bald anyway.

On tattoos, parte the seconde

Coworker 1: I wanna get a tattoo. Probably a collage on my back.
Coworker 3: Hey, do you have any tattoos?
Contractor: No, I can't commit to anything enough to get it put on my body.
Coworker 1: I'm gonna get one on my face.
Coworker 3: [laughs] On your face, eh? What are you going to get?
Tara: Another face?
Coworker 1: A big star like that guy from Kiss.
Coworker 3: Paul Stanley? Okay, if you get that, I'll get a cat nose and whiskers on my face.
Contractor: I don't know if I can spend time with you guys if you're going to be such a bad influence on me.
Tara: What's so bad about a cat nose and whiskers?

On garbage cans

Coworker 2: I'm going to use your private garbage can.
Tara: But that's my private garbage can!

On Paris Hilton

Tara: So did you watch the trailer for Repo! The Genetic Opera yet?
Coworker 3: No, not yet.
Tara: It looks incredible. Paris Hilton, Sarah Brightman and Giles from "Buffy" are in it. And we might see Paris Hilton have her entrails removed
Coworker 3: Really?
Tara: From what I've read about it, it seems to be about how there are a whole bunch of organ failures so people are having their organs removed against their wills.
Coworker 3: How many organs do you think Paris Hilton could have removed and still live?
Tara: I can think of a couple that she doesn't seem to be using.
Coworker 2: [walks up to us]
Tara: Hey, how many organs do you think Paris Hilton could have removed and still live?
Coworker 2: None.
Tara: Seriously? Because she already seems to be functioning without a brain.
Coworker 2: That's not an organ for her, that's an accessory.

On barbecued eel

Coworker 2: I don't like barbecued eel. It tastes like dirt.
Tara: No, it tastes like barbecue. But its texture is weird. Sort of like fish, sort of like meat.
Coworker 3: It's feet!

On Canadian literature

Tara: I'd like to read more from Indian writers.
Coworker 2: Have you read The God of Small Things?
Tara: That's the one with the brother and the sister right?
Coworker 2: Yes.
Tara: Yes, I've read it. I actually thought it was Canadian since most Canadian novels have incest in them.

On yawning

Coworker 5: [yawns like a donkey]
Coworker 2 and Tara: [laughing]
Coworker 2: Often imitated, never replicated.
Tara: That's right. Every yawn is different, like a snowflake.
Coworker 5: Do you want me to record it? I could make it a ringtone

On buffets

Coworker 3: I used to be into Chinese girls but then I went to China.
Coworker 1: See? I won't even date them [note: this particular coworker is Chinese].
Tara: What was it about going to China?
Coworker 3: It was like going to a seafood buffet where... You know what? I'm not even going to finish that analogy.
[laughing all around]
Coworker 3: Sometimes I have the foresight to know when to back out.

Next to that conversation...
Coworker 2: Coworker 4, wake up!
Tara: Was he sleeping?
Coworker 5: Oh probably. He was laying down. Probably had some bad shrimp at the buffet.
Coworker 3: Yeah, I know what that's like.

Not that kind of princess, part 2

Coworker 2: I can't believe Coworker 1 asked you to take off your glasses just to say you should dress up as Princess Leia. I had no idea where he was going when he asked you that.
Tara: I know. I was surprised because I was thinking that I was just wearing contacts last week.
Coworker 1: [arrives] You guys are still talking about that?
Coworker 2: I was just saying I couldn't believe you got her to take her glasses off for that. You're such a geek!
Coworker 1: But you do look like that! You need to do your hair like that.
Tara: No. I'm getting my hair cut tomorrow.
Coworker 2: Wouldn't you dress up as that even for Halloween?
Tara: No. I'm a geek, but not that much of a geek.

Not that kind of princess

Coworker 1: What do you look like without your glasses on?
Tara: [takes off glasses, thinking that I was just wearing contacts last week so he really should know already]
Coworker 1: I knew it! You could totally look like Princess Leia!
Tara: [puts glasses back on immediately]
Coworker 2: Oh my god you're right! [laughing]
Tara: No. I will never dress like Princess Leia. I'm not that much of a geek.
Coworker 1: But you could!