On Champix side effects

Tara: so what are the side effects you're having?
Neil: well, i am very tired and prone to feeling weak.
in the morning i often feel nauseous to the point of wondering if i'm going to throw up.
i have very vivid dreams and my sleep isn't very restful.
i may be pregnant.
you got me pregnant.
look what you did!

On soap

Coworker 2: Did you just take a shower?
Coworker 3: Yeah. Because I just rode the bike and I didn't want to smell like bike.
Tara: We appreciate that you don't want to smell like bike either.
Coworker 3: Especially since bike smells like old feet.
Tara: So you would smell like old feet.
Coworker 3: Right. When I could smell like something delicious like peppermint.
Tara: There are many better things to smell like than old feet.
Coworker 3: Check out this bottle. The label looks like it was written by a schizophrenic shaman.
Tara: [Laughs until she thinks she may no longer breathe and nearly chokes on the apple she was chewing]

On hen's teeth

Ed: sigh
Tara: ?
Ed: I described something as being like hen's teeth in chat.
Tara: okay
Ed: They'd never heard of it. I said it means rare or impossible to find.
Tara: oh dear
Ed: Then said it was my fault, I forgot they didn't speak old.
Tara: I know what it is and so does my brother Matthew
Ed: Thank you. I appreciate the gesture. (:
Tara: it's true though. matthew used it in his msn name recently. something about how jobs in amherstburg are about as common as hen's teeth
Ed: Sounds about right.
Tara: luckily he got a job at subway
Ed: (:

2 hours pass...

Ed: and at that point even I noticed I was rambling.
Tara: you're not. this is very goode. good even
Ed: (:
Tara: I was feeling olde-timey ;)
Ed: It's all good, olde-timey people are like hen's teeth. You were saying. (:
Tara: I actually laughed out loud

On therapy

Tara: Hey dude, how's it going?
Natalie: Great. My therapist is awesome. Like a grandma.
Neil: Really?
Natalie: Yeah, but in a "my grandma can kick your grandma's ass kind of way".
Tara: That's the greatest thing I've heard all week.