Guest entry: Things said at the sabbath

[Editor's note: I've been away for a week and a half and missed this week's Sabbath. Natalie was kind enough to send me a couple of gems from last night's sabbath.]

Natalie: So the elf mage has to stay behind because she's a woman.
Neil: Yep, See, she's in bed in a nighty and looks flushed. Clearly some sort of woman sickness prevents her from adventuring.
Natalie: a touch of the hysteria perhaps.
Neil: It's totally her uterus.
Natalie: why does that other chick get to go, though?
ryan: That other woman's had a hysterectomy.

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ryan: Vulcans are the elves of space.

On used bookstore finds

Tara: okay, so Cambridge? AWESOME. I took no photos because I just wanted to look around and take everything in, but it's so beautiful here
Ed: That is very cool, that.
Tara: I went into a used bookstore and found a nearly complete set of Alexander Pope books from 1745 on the shelves. on the damn shelves
Ed: That's the slowest stock turnover I've ever heard of.

On spiders

Karin: SPIDER!
Tara: What?
Karin: There's a spider. Can you kill it?
Tara: Sure. Wow, it's moving fast. [goes and gets toilet paper]
Karin: It's under the bed now.
Tara: Where? Oh. I need more toilet paper. That's big enough to be its own ecosystem.
Karin: That's not even a really big one.
Tara: It's plenty big enough. [catches spider] This guy's getting the big flush.

On shame

Karin: Remember him?
Tara: No. He's really hot though.
Karin: That's Sam. Remember him?
Tara: No.
Karin: Becky's little brother.
Tara: You're joking. He looks like he's at least 30.
Karin: He's probably 19.
Tara: I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.

Conversation on the plane to England

[flight attendant hands out landing card to be filled out and handed over to customs]
Girl on plane: Do you need a pen?
Tara: No thanks.
[entire conversation for 9 hours. her book sure looked interesting]

On church

Tara: I'm so glad I left early and took that nap yesterday. I ended up taking my friend to the airport much later than we had planned.
Coworker 3: You should have punched her in the face.
Tara: I'm not going to punch her in the face. She takes me to and from the airport all of the time. Plus, we go to church together.
Coworker 3: Then I would especially punch her in the face.
Tara: You'd probably punch someone in the face if they took you to church.
Coworker 3: Right, that's it.
Tara: I'll have to remember never to invite you to church, not that I was planning on it.
Coworker 3: You'd say "Do you want to come to church with me?" and I'd start making a fist and ask "What denomination?" and when you say "Cathopresbyanglibapti..." I'd start making the other fist.
Tara: Yeah, but I'd say it and you wouldn't even know anyway. I've gone to church for most of my life and I'd never heard of it before I started going.
Coworker 3: What denomination is it?
Tara: Alliance
Coworker 3: Is that the opposite of Horde?

On Nigella Lawson's boobs

Tara: 6 people have found my site by looking up "nigella lawson boobs", but there's also one who looked up "+"nigella lawson" +boobs" and one who looked up "nigella boobs". I think we know what the internet wants...
Natalie: nigella lawson's saucy british boobs, of course
Tara: she does have excellent boobs, but really... they must be disappointed when they hit my site. they should just watch her show
Natalie: but they must do regular internet searches and be constantly vigilant until the secret nigella sex tape appears
Tara: but who is she with? is it Gordon Ramsey? Jamie Oliver? God forbid, it might even be her husband!
Natalie: Oh no. it's just nigella. and all her kitchen gadgets
Tara: I suspect if that made its way on the internet, some people might never leave their homes